the other day, my parents, my elder brother and i took a bus, one of our "spontaneous" adventures to anywhere, when my dad gets his leave. so we took e wrong bus and took another to simei, e estate where we used to live in. its like a trip down memory lane, and i mean lane. its small as fuck. the feeder service that runs through the route is no longer 290 but 39. or 36. i know there's a three in it. then we went round and round, ne bus stops, new additions, sign posts, it looks cleanier and more comfortable by day. but should you take the 27 at night past the expressway, u'd see its so dull, almost haunting, e fluoroscent lights and e dark windows, enhancing hollowness. this is part of e reason why i love warm light.

its uncanny how u remember the place where u grew up as a haunting one. i remember once, i came back my absolute latest during my 14 year old career. and everything was so dark. for years i dreamt of being hunted down near the carpark n up the stairs. my legs would always feel like lead and i would feel the slice of the chopper in my calves..

and aunt peggy who was stabbed to almost beyond recognition in e lift. i used to stand on my bed and peer over the glass slides to see her house on the eleventh floor opposite us. she has pale flouroscent lights too. and when we visited her, i found out some chinese people eat live white mice. they had white mice, but didnt eat them.

and there's that girl who's as old as my brother. shu hui. or something. we would make fun of all the cheapo toy names, candie, can die. and the vegetable stall people and virtually all e market people who recognised me and greeted me, the sin seh shop w e two balding brothers, we always bought sweets from them. the girl who worked temporarily at the provision shop. she gave me a 5cent discount off the px of the cherry flavoured bubble gum, back in e day when there was no mrt, hence no ban.

the thunderstorm! amazing lightning, i was so scared i'd die. tt was sometime after jurassic park. i was also afraid i might be eaten alive. my father's room scared the shit out of me too. sometimes i dream of being stuck in that bathroom and going mad.

simei was a scary place. sure they have the mall, and new schools but i still dont enjoy coming back there. i can write a book about simei alone.

maybe i would.  anyhow, it wasnt all dark and spooky. i discovered perverted police men, ants that bit hard and didnt let go, my first religious teacher, who had so much faith in me, my mother's friend ranjeet, who was a champion drinker, she kept saying wah, it burned my throat.. best!, well, there are many things about simei tt seems to scare me still..

since we went there, it could be a conjunction, im not syaing anything, i havent been able to remember my dreams as well. i guess i need more sleep.

ha. i just read my old entry. im such an emo schemo kana... *rolls eyes*

anyhow, i cant believe im still sick.  

last night i got a 20min lecture fr the taxi driver. when i sniggered, he lectured some more. uncle, uncle.. *tsk* we sent piotr and arwith off, then ijam to meet his friend. i had a great time w them, very funny guys.

and when we came home, it smelt like piotr. hahaha. it was like e last time we babysitted radiah and when she went home, the house smelt of milk and baby powder.

anyhows, piotr got me huxley's brave new world!  so nice! i think ill let him be the shareholder of xpowernapx™

my throats a bitch. i think im falling sick for good now.

it is getting increasingly tiring to be here. i went to my favourite place to be alone, to read last night. and i could not see the horizon clearly, the scaffolding bluntly stating its point, i am here to change what you knew.  i found it quite beautiful. i took my eyes off the book and beyond the glass. the patterns these rods made, the men who fixed the nets, the klang i could not hear, instead this  elevator mish mash - i left not long after and found myself smiling along with the dancing lights of the runway and the highway, speeding past trees, the hum of the engine and the snaking gravel bringing me closer yet further to something i cant know.

today i could not refrain or restrain myself from the outcry. it rolled off my tongue, a disobedient child. my parents were taken aback. why, they asked after a while. i looked on the field. i love that field, if they touch that too, it looked like autumn. the grey falling into the green, my eyes can see that mist. i could not hold the tears! my father weakly said how the air conditioning makes one tear. i smiled at him later as we had coffee, touched by the gesture, i have forgotten that i have not lived with them in the past year.

some people are just so annoying. dog save em